Crazy as it sounds, I had a dream last night that I could fly! Must be all those sci fi shows we watch, i think i am a Hero! I could power a couch and Steve and Schuyler were with me until we ran out of gas and something broke. I flew away to get gas and Steve worked to fix the couch. I woke up to tell him my dream and started to laugh historically, which quickly turned to tears.
Today is my first day of treatment and I am honestly scared.
Scared of the unknown, because I have always been so tough, you know the type, put on my game face and no crying…. As Arnold says “crying is for babies…”
It’s going to be ok, I keep saying and telling myself. If anyone can kick cancer’s ass … I can, right? I love all the notes of strength, confidence and prayer from all my friends and family. I have never faced a serious illness before and here I go. But if I can race Ironman triathlons, run a marathon in 3:05:59, race up mountains for fun and win…. I can beat this and hopefully still running and training the whole time. Just watch.
But it is still the unknown and after reading the descriptions of all the drugs they are pumping into my system and the potential side effects, I realize that running up Mt Washington, even that crazy Sea to Summit where I kayaked 12 and biked 90 and then ran 8 miles up in the clouds to the peak of Mount Washington, is going to be easier than this 4 month “trek”. I am an athlete, I am strong, set my goals and achieve them. But I listen to my body and I am not too proud to walk the steepest parts (flashback to Pack Monadnock) because I can still win, finish and feel the sense of accomplishment.
What to wear? I asked Steve this morning what I should wear like I always do … Working in my home office I don’t get out much… Ha ha! So I decided that every treatment I am going to wear a race tech tshirt that I am proud of to show how strong I am. I will try to come back and link to the race from my other blog so you can all read about that experience too, it may even motivate you! Today’s tshirt is from the 2007 USAT Age Group National Championship -USA Triathlon . Steve and traveled to Oregon and combined some wine tasting in the Willamette Valley. I remember. The shirt is also a beautiful red color so I stand out and one added benefit is it covers my sunburn from yesterday- don’t want to send the wrong message 🙂
The nurses are great – the way they rally when one patient next to me had a reaction, teamwork at it’s best. Everyone is different, how they react to the drugs and the specific “cocktail” they fix, special for you. I feel special to be blessed with the most amazing caregiver, my husband Steve (I need to introduce him that way because the med personnel are not making any assumptions). I feel special and cared for by my friend and colleagues, sending cards, flowers (thank you EI team!) and yes – the ultimate gift for a girl like me…. An Itunes gift card! (thanks Naomi -you rock!).
Sitting here armed for the day with my Ipad, Itouch, Ipod nano and my work PC (if I am feeling motivated). :). Yes we have stock in Apple… A happy Mac family!
Still feeling normal – still have my long hair – it’s all about the attitude… Right?