EXCERPTS FROM A DOG’S DAILY DIARY:
8:00 a.m. Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9:30 a.m. Oh, boy! A car ride! My favorite!
9:40 a.m. Oh, boy! A walk! My favorite!
10:30 a.m. Oh, boy! Getting rubbed and petted! My favorite!
11:30 a.m. Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!
Noon- Oh, boy! The kids! My favorite!
1:00 p.m. Oh, boy! The yard! My favorite!
4:00 p.m. Oh, boy! To the park! My favorite!
5:00 p.m. Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!
5:30 p.m. Oh, boy! Pretty Mums! My favorite
6:00 p.m. Oh, boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
6:30 a.m. Oh, boy! Watching TV with my master! My favorite!
8:30 p.m. Oh, boy! Sleeping in master’s bed! My favorite!
EXCERPTS FROM A CAT’S DAILY DIARY:
Day 183 of My Captivity: My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little
dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat
dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and
the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture.
Tomorrow I may eat another house plant. Today my attempt to kill my captors
by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded; must
try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse
these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their
favorite chair, must try this on their bed. Decapitated a mouse and brought
them the headless body, in an attempt to make them aware of what I am
capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and
condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm, not working according
to plan.
There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in
solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise
and smell the food. More importantly, I overheard that my confinement was
due to my power of “allergies.” Must learn what this is and how to use it to
my advantage.
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog
is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a
half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant, he speaks
with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his
current placement in the high metal room, his safety is assured. But I can
wait, it is only a matter of time ….